There Is No Poetry After F----

The jury's out
And it doesn't look like they're coming back.
Not only is it not fair
it's not just.
How is anything to be accomplished?!
I don't think that's the moral of this story.
Morals require standards.
No one involved has any.
This is probably just the wrong bar.
Used for more then coming to get drunk.
Too much talking, not enough noise.
Or maybe I'm the one that's too low?

I have to get out!
Looks can kill,
and every eye is pointed at me.
Lines of sight
Severing my lifelines.
Even her silhouette can cut me to pieces.
Everywhere I turn it's creeping up from the shadows.
Surrounding me.
No cry of help would do any good.
A lamp flickers.
The silhouettes are washed away in the black tide.
The lamp flickers again,
and keeps flickering.
Dots and dashes
A signal for help?
FEFK
... It means nothing
Lot's of thing's don't...

I'll never smile again.
A crack in the barricade where the barbarians rush in
destroying everything you have to offer,
show
hide
There is no hiding.
I'll keep my eyes low.
Show no interest in anything.
Especially those that show interest in me.
My world is the ground I'm standing on.
Because that's what's going to catch me when I fall.

Meanings don't have feelings behind them
(unfortunately) feelings have many meanings.
It's easy to assign them the wrong post
Easy to let them get carried away
Hard to be rid of them.

I took a ring,
and to it I put
feeling and
meaning.
I put it on your finger.
You took my meaning and feeling.
I put on a smile.
It didn't last.
I put on another.
It took a lot more then I thought
But I keep the charade up very well.

Fickle
rhymes with love.
The jury's vote was unanimous.

jester

Don't you see the humor in it?

The poor fool!

How she has him hurt.
How she has him hurt himself.

A ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

What a sap,
What a clown!
What a fool,
What a stooge.

Funny.

The look on his face. Like a dumb dog.
A dog in a cage.
A dog has more sense then him.

A ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Look at him cry.
Look at him tremble and weep.
Look at him,
then look at her.

What a laugh!

A ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Woman.
Through the rainbow haze I reach out to you
And you're always there
In one form or another,

Skinny stray
Outside of my gate.
I'll pet you for a minute or so.

Yellow shirt.
It's so funny
isn't it?

Something removed.
Something replaced.
R&R
Keep it alive forever. It does,
doesn't it?

Silence. Even silence is part of the equation.
I should tell you now.
Before I lose the words forever

I love you.

Is this all there is?

Looking in the mirror to prepare yourself for the day ahead
Your eyes are the only eyes you see all day.

The only person you know a smudged reflection.

But, practice!

"You'll never know who'll notice your smile."

(am i trying to impress myself?)

When you boil it down you're left with just the quiet.
When you dust if off you're left with an empty space.
When you cut away tall grass
cut
cut away
cut in a smile
Smile :)

"You never know who'll notice your smile."

Is this all there is?

Lights mock me.
Teasing
taunting

False promises!
intangible blankets

It's almost like something's there.
Something warm, and alive.

They smile widest in the emptiest places
Where only you are
to toy with you
remind you
crack your sanity

Litter the landscape with waypoints
and extinguish when you approach

Smolder in front of you.

Meet you again somewhere else

To show you what?!

That all they are is nothing.

They grow
And twist
AND reach their way into whatever empty space there is.

The echoes haunt me more then the ghosts.
The last note ringing long and low.
You can't pull the covers back and have the light scare them away.
Singing
Chanting
The music plays softly
throughout the night.
Floating through the empty space.
Behind the veil I feel them staring
But not at me.
With careful steps I colonize the darkness.
Fill the empty space.
It fills me.
Calls to me.
Never stops calling.

Ixtab, is that you?

SStar

I wrote you a letter
and put it under something they'd never look under.

It's as low as you can get,
and though they'll never find it
Neither will you.

We crossed paths, once.

I was spinning in place.
You shot by.

We were meant to be together
No,
nothing is meant to be.
Things just happen.

some don't.

I'll never forget what you looked like as you shot by.
Don't forget what I look like, spinning in place.

i breathed in, just at that moment when you were unzipping and saw more of the truth then I should have

images

float before my eyes

i lay on the bed in ruins, no spark of life flickering in the dark

i try and piece together fragmented memories -
something to resemble a life

but lying on the bed, destroyed, gives me no
ability,
power,
outlet

to do this.

all that i am lies around me
destroyed

The House Where Bad Luck Lives

What hath God wrought?
was asked from one room to another.

Assuming God had any hand in this.
Let alone any hands at all.

No.
No god.

This house of cards is on its solitarie way.
And with one awkward graze, it fell to pieces.

A game for one.
Only one would play, anyway.

One by one I saw them fall.
And here they are. Lined up in front.

Right in front of me. Miles and miles away.

A long collection of negatives and positives that add up to nothing.

It's what you make it, right?

Like a party.
Short, loud.
forgotten a week later.

But they were here.
The mess left behind is proof.

Her.
She said we'd never not be friends
Not being the only true word.

Him.
They.
The others.
Guzzling.
Consuming.
... tired

Tired of sweeping the porches
Cleaning the gutters
Inviting over all the good friends and acquaintances
Because like any party everyone leaves when the good stuff is gone
and you're left to clean up the mess.

The radio is still on, but the music has long stopped.

But she
she remains.

Turn off the radio
approach
say..
say what?

"i love you"?
and then what?
you love me?

Nay.
Nay she say.

horse bitch!

the sentiments
echo through the sediments

echo back
To the narcissus
too infatuated with his own infatuation
to notice how far gone everything is

Maybe there'll be an after party?
(not while you're busy cleaning up your own vomit..)

Dirty
Dirty Dirty dirty
DIRTY

The mirror or the reflection?

Covered with the things you couldn't keep down
then had to clean up.

No good party goes without a cleanup.
All good parties go.

All go..
Home
To their warm, loving homes.
I'll go.
Please,
let me go?

Nay,
she say.
Nay.

But that's okay.
I've thrown up everything smooth I had to say.
Everything goes that way.

OUT
DOWN
Away.

Please do stay.

Nay,
she say.
NAY.

though she say anything at all


This house is big enough for two.

So bliebe hier!
Hielige Braut.


When I wake with eyes full of tears
I pray to find you 'mongst my peers
So when I die from a poison of my own
You'll have the seat upon my throne.


the dogs in the kennels have died.
in the front is the barren dirt pit
which used to be a yard.
As I look to the sun setting behind
the tree in the back I LOOK BACK
at the house
cold, even on the outside.

As I presumed.
It is what it is,
not what you make it.

I Understand

Yes, yes.
I know.
I understand.
It happens..
I don't know what I expected, or why I expected it.
At this point in history should we expect anything?
You'd think if there are people out there that'd kill you for the five dollars in your pocket that there'd be at least one person who'd simply keep their damn word.
But killing people is a lot more fun then speaking truthfully,
I understand.

Yes, yes.
Happy birthday?
Merry Christmas?
Unthoughtful wishes or a sick joke?
I don't celebrate Christmas and I definately don't celebrate my birthday.
So keep your empty sayings to yourself.

Yes, yes.
I know.
I understand.
It happens..
But why does it happen every time?
Surely, no one who fails this many times would try over and over again without changing?
Fooling me twice can't be a mistake.

Yes, yes.
These things happen.
I know.
But I don't understand.

The Minotaur Wins

Into the labyrinth
deep as it is old
Cold marble walls occupy the darkness

Lying in wait
it's beating heart
The beast

Which must be slain
'lest it consume the world.

It was not built to be beat.
It was built to beat
To triumph
over all audacious enough to challenge it.

The groups fell fastest
bickering and loud

The lone adventurers all fell
or ran
Ran back to the world they left
Ran back a stranger
a coward
Ran back to die slowly alone, in the light.
Rather than quickly in the dark.

What of them?
I could not say.

I chose, as well, to enter alone.

For what good is a companion?
Flesh and blood that fear and fail.

After all I've seen of companions,
what could the gods show me now?

Nothing.

So into nothing I venture.

To find
nothing?
I do not know.
I do know there is nothing to find out here.

So in I go.
Deeper
and deeper.

Spiraling
backwards and
forwards, sideways
and upside down.

Every turn I take the world seems to get colder.
And the beating heart gets louder but further away.

A slash,
and a loss.
The beast gets a part of me
But I get a sense of it.

Through endless rights and lefts I battle.
I battle for the answers while only feeling the questions.
I battle for my life as I hunger and thirst and bleed.
I battle for my prize as the beast takes two more steps every half step I take.

Years of dead ends and lost battles.
But the end is near, for I feel the questions running out
the beast running away
the heart beating faster.

And there!
I find it.

Far from them,
them
from me!

What could they ever know of a fight like this?
of the dangers and loss
the loss
that could never be known any other way

That isn't talked about in fairy tales or stories of lore.

And triumph,
triump over the beast
that beast that stands before me

and without hesitation cuts me down.

Flesh and blood that fails.

Bench Seat Table

Dreams?
Tired and sick,
restlessness induces fantasies which force me to sleep.

With a rough, guiding hand I am lead to a library.

You're crying. In your yellow shirt.
At a table by yourself.

He turned you down.
Rejected your love.
Rejected you.
And all I breathe and say can barely stop your tears from flowing.
But they stop.

We talk.
Although my words could never make you see a rejecting by another is a relfection on their character, not on your own.

Others join us.
Their faces do not stay.

Until she...
My favorite.
Your cousin.

She joins us with cryptic talk and silly antics.
Apologizing for the lack of communication
(although the apology pains within me).

Joyous
My two close friends.
Albeit joyous only in dreams.

When, suddenly-

Wearing my gloves!
Holding my hand!

Your sadness returns
Eyes
Overflowing
with tears.

I can see myself in them.

And your cousin remains stony and silent once more.
A statue left over from a past life.
Displaying my arrogance,
listlessness,
helplessness

Say something; anything - if any kindness beat in you at all.

...
Nothing is said.

When I wake
horrified
mesmerised
scrutinized

I still see you sitting alone at the table.